Which Came First - Stress or Fatigue?

I’ve always been a pretty mellow person. My freak threshold is rather high. When I was a kid I hated the frilly pink things and dolls that all the other girls my age liked. I was much more into horses and art. I would spend hours doodling out the sprawling 500-acre ranch -- complete with stall measurements -- I would have when I grew up and collecting my Breyer models.

I used to laugh at the girls who freaked about spiders and remember one of my aunts freaking on me and my brother for catching gardener snakes. They were harmless, but my aunt was from Australia and didn’t want my impressionable young cousins thinking it was cool to go out catching snakes. Considering pretty much everything in Australia is deadly, I can see why she tripped out on us.

When I reached the work force and fully established myself in the publishing field, I was the production manager for a publishing house in Vancouver. They published three monthly magazines, two bi-monthly magazines, and an annual guide book. I ran the magazines, managed the production staff, etc., etc. Production schedules were tight and chaotic. The sales people were constantly coming in with thirteenth-hour advertisements to place or pull out, and many-a-night saw me coming home at 2am.

I often had people coming in to talk with me after the mayhem had settled asking how I dealt with it.

When I ran my own music magazine one of the fringe benefits was free concert tickets and backstage passes. I met many huge acts in the rock music scene and was always casual and laid back about it. They had enough tripping groupies to deal with.

One of the record label reps used to smile, shake his head, and say, “How do you do it? You’re always so calm.”

I really don’t know how I did it. I just did. I’ve tried to help people reduce their stress, tried to help them find the answers they were looking for, but really, that’s a pretty personal thing. We’re all wired differently and we all react to stimuli differently. Some people are just naturally jacked up all the time. Some aren’t.

Stress. I never really thought I was under any, but looking back through that notoriously 20/20 hindsight, there was plenty of it. I think perhaps I dealt with it well because, for one, work never came home with me. Ever. I suppose the fact that I smoked and drank a fair bit then helped as well. It wasn’t until I went to New Zealand for the first time and lived truly stress-free that I could see it. It was there. It was always there and I always dealt with it, but, as calm as I appeared on the outside, it did take a toll. I just never realized it until I was away from it.

Fastforward a few years to life as it is today. Stress has returned and I am seeing for the first time, and first-hand, just how much of an effect stress really has on training for ironman-distance triathlons.

I’m stressed out, and when someone like me admits to being seriously stressed out, there is a real situation going on. That or I’ve lost my tolerance for it. Highly possible. Along with the stress, fatigue comes out to party. Really, you can’t have one without the other, right. The stress creates fatigue, the fatigue adds to the stress, and around we go. Stress, fatigue and IM don’t mix so well and the quality and consistency of my training is beginning to suffer. Not to mention the fancy little side-effect from fatigue called failing nutrition. I’m not about to go into that one.

So here I find myself 71 days out from my next ironman (how did that happen already?!) hoping that this won’t be the first IM I go backwards at. It’s funny in a way, or maybe ironic is the better choice of words. Three months ago I was blasting around on my bike entertaining thoughts of going so low in the 12-hr range that I could dip under and hit 11:59. Now I coast around on my bike and wonder if I can keep myself motivated and hold it together enough to at least break 13:23. And what if I don’t? What is that going to do to me mentally to go backwards? I may pull it out of the hat yet, so I can’t add that to my stress-load. Stress and fatigue are temporary ailments and I’m positive the big ‘S’ will soon fade away. It has to – sooner or later – there really isn’t any other option. God, I hope it’s far sooner than later!

27 January 2005

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